Full to the Brim

The last fill is complete and my left breast is huge! I have to stuff the right to keep up!

Funny, but it's not uncomfortable like the other fills.

To ensure the skin and muscle is completely stretched, the fully expanded expander has to stay in place for six weeks.

I scheduled the implant surgery for February 19 and I can't wait.

It will be a little less than a year and I'll be back to the new normal that has become my life.

Oh, and take a look at this...my hair is growing back pretty quickly. And yes, it's way dark. I also have eyebrows and eyelashes again. Life is good!

Fight Pink Feature

Hey, check this out--my story is now on Fight Pink's website!

Fill 'Er Up

When Dr. Nathan put in the expander, he filled it up about 40%. I went in yesterday and got my first "fill."

I was a little nervous going in, especially after seeing Annie walk in with two huge vials of saline. Dr. Nathan immediately put me at ease and reminded me that we could do this reconstruction as fast or as slow as I wanted. I'm opting for the faster route, but not too fast!

At the top of the expander, there is a port. Different from my "chemo" port as it doesn't stick out. You find it be placing a small tool with a magnet on my breast and marking it. I didn't want to see the size of the needle and opted not to watch.

To my complete amazement, it didn't hurt at all. He finished with one vial and asked if I wanted to go ahead and put in the other, noting that it would be tight and be very uncomfortable later that night. I felt brave and let him add the other vial.

To quote my new friend, Stacy, "it is like filling a water balloon and you know when you know it is full but you think just a little more...and you are hoping it doesn't break? Yea..thats me right now."

I only took a few Aleve yesterday afternoon because I had to drive home from work, but once home, I dug into the pain meds. It doesn't so much hurt, it's just very uncomfortable and I had a hard time sleeping.

Two or three more and I should be filled to the brim. Then a six-week wait until surgery. I planning for sometime in early January. Hope it works out!

After Surgery

I'm feeling more complete these days. The prosthethic seemed like part of my life for so long and now I no longer need it. I can wear a bra and look normal! Of course, there is still much to be done, but I'm well on my way.

I spent a good week recovering from surgery. My right breast looks awesome since the lift and will be even better after the implant. This side never bothered me after the surgery.

The left side looks much better than it did, but still has a ways to go. I left the surgery center with a pain pump and a drain. The pain pump was attached by a thin tube under my left armpit. I carried the actual pump in a small bag around my waist. Very strange. I'm not really sure how much it helped, but it continuously provided a numbing medication similar to the Novicane you get in a dentist's office. It even had a button for that extra shot if I needed it. I never really felt the need, but Abby and Bella thought it was fun to push. Don't worry, it was set so that it could never give me more than I really needed!

On Saturday, the pump ran out and Scott had the honor of removing it. Thank goodness he's not bothered by such things. After a quick tug, it was out and I didn't feel a thing. Now to just get rid of the drain!

Everyday I had to empty the drain and record the amount of fluid I collected. I called Dr. Nathan's office on Friday and Debbie said I may be able to have it removed on Monday. No such luck. I was right on the border with my numbers. I even asked her bribe them, but no luck.

On Tuesday, I met with Annie (Dr. Nathan's nurse). She had me breathe deeply three times and then cough while she pulled out the drain. This was a little different from the last time. For my last surgery, the drains were more toward the top of my skin so I could actually see them come out. This was more inside. Didn't hurt, just felt different. It felt great not to be tethered to anything.

I went back to work on Wednesday and felt pretty good by the weekend. We had another successful Halloween and I have pictures to bride Alexis when we start letting her date (like around age 25 or so!) I'll post soon!

My Angels

Before I started chemo, a friend who went through a similar situation, turned me onto this site. So while I went through 16 weeks of treatment, I had two angels who went through it with me.

Crystal filled my mailbox with handmade cards and notes to brighten my day and Barb sent gifts, not only for me, but for the girls as well. They followed my progress via this blog and encouraged me along the way. I was so lucky to have them and inspired to become an angel once I complete reconstruction.

Check out their site and it may inspire you too.

1st Reconstruction Surgery

I had my first reconstruction surgery yesterday and everything went great! No sickness afterwards was a big plus. Currently I am really, really sore on my left side (Dr. Nathan put a small bladder under the muscle and filled it 40% with saline) and a little sore on the right (he performed a lift on this side). I'm at home resting and hopefully will feel more like myself next week. I'll write more later.

I'm Done!

With chemo that is. Last Thursday was the last time poison will be sent coursing through my veins. Scott, Mom, Dad, Becky, and Mary joined me for the final step in this part of my journey.

A huge thanks to all of the nurses at the St. Louis Breast Cancer Institute. They are truly awesome women! Here is Sandra flushing out my port for the last time.

I got to wear the feather boa and crown while everyone cheered and bubbles were blown.

My amazing husband is a continued support for me.

He takes such good care of us.

Mom and Dad are truly awesome. Mom went with me to almost every session while Dad watched the girls. I couldn't have made it through without them.

Mary took me to chemo while mom was out of town. She was always there with gifts, flowers, and fun things for the girls.

With everything that Becky is doing to prepare for my niece and nephews, she always had time for me. She is much more than a sister.

I was so excited to be done, I bought myself a present! The girls are head over heels!

Meet our new family member, Quincy. She a nine-week old Pug.

Now were getting to the exciting part! I just can't wait for my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes to grow back! I'm scheduled to see Dr. Coplin in six weeks to talk about follow up strategy which will include Tamoxifen and periodic testing. In the meantime, I'm scheduled for the first of three reconstruction surgeries on October 21.

What's wrong with us?

Only three left!! The end is nearly here and not soon enough as the chemo is starting to catch up with me.

At my session last week, my white cell count was 1.30. To get a full round of chemo, the count has to be 1.50. Usually. The nurse spoke with Dr. Coplin and they agreed to give me the full dose with a promise from me that if I felt bad over the weekend, I would call immediately.

I didn't feel any different than I usually do after chemo, but Scott and I talked a lot over the weekend and decided I would call the office on Monday and see about getting a shot to up my white cell count.

First thing Monday morning I called and went in Tuesday to have my blood tested. It was 1.32. Not a huge jump and now I was at risk of not being able to have chemo this week.

Now I know what you're saying--take a week off and relax. But I can't. I'm on a schedule. I expect to be done with chemo on October 2 and I don't want to put it off anymore.

Again, the nurse talked to Dr. Coplin and they gave me a shot of Nupregen. Unlike the Neulasta I got after the AC treatments, the Nupregen takes effect immediately. I was sore most of yesterday and today. But not unbearable.

While the nurse was injecting the Nupregen, my sister called. I let it go to voicemail and listened to the message as I walked out of the office. Panicked, I learned that Scott had cut his arm while dismateling a desk at work and cut his arm pretty badly.

I met him at St. Luke's emergency room, saw the damage, and almost fainted. It took a while before I could open my eyes and not feel dizzy.

They took Scott off to X-ray thinking he may have broken his arm in addition to the cut. Luckily that wasn't the case and we left there with 36 stitches in his arm.

At dinner last night, Bella commented that Lexi's toe hurt, Mom was sick, and Dad now had stitches. What's wrong with our family? How do you answer that one?

Before I forget, here's a glimpse at my new hair growth. Thank God for hair color!

Four to Go

I'm down to four left. The last one is scheduled on October 2. Finally, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

The start of school and sports have kept me extremely busy. We're also preparing for my nephews and niece to come home shortly!

My hair is starting to grow back (I'll post pictures soon) and I'm starting to get hair back on my legs, which means shaving again. That I didn't miss! I'll feel much better when my eyebrows and eyelashes are back, but that may not be until chemo ends.

I'll have a few weeks "off" before surgery begins again. The first reconstructive surgery is scheduled for October 21. At that time they'll do a lift on the right and put the expander on the left.

For several weeks I'll go in and have the expander filled with saline. Once it's at the size we want (note it will be the size I want and NOT the size Scott is after--sorry honey!) I'll have to wait six weeks before the next surgery. So it looks like sometime in January I'll have the implants put in.

Sometime in November I'll go back to see Dr. Coplin and we'll discuss the side effects of Tamoxifen--the drug I'll have to be on for five years to combat any reoccurance.

So overall, I'm feeling pretty good. I can handle the soreness and tiredness and am looking forward to being done.

Stay tuned for hair pictures. And Donna, be ready with the hair color. I think I'm going to need it!

Skipping a Week

Skipping a week of chemo has left me feeling like my old self again! Spending the past week at Miramar Beach was wonderful and I can't thank my parents enough for everything -- happy 40th!

Because you can barely go anywhere from St. Louis non-stop anymore, our plane landed in Georgia about an hour before it left there for Pensacola. While there a woman came up to me and asked if I was going through treatment. After I said yes, she told me that she was a survivor and instead of having reconstruction she had this done...and proceeded to raise her shirt and display a huge beautiful butterfly tattoo on her chest. Yes, in the middle of the airport in Atlanta in front of tons of people. Of course, only mom and I were the only ones in our group that caught the scene. It's amazing the bond people think you have because you have the same thing they did.

I'm not sure if it was the cancer or not, but the guy at Alamo upgraded us to a very nice minivan and a Toyota Prius when we checked in to get our cars. Some things in this journey haven't been too bad!

Our beach house was awesome and I highly recommend it! I don't think I could go back to not being directly on the beach.

We spent the week sunning, boogie boarding, and searching for shells. The girls had a great time as did Scott and I.

The best quote of the week was from Abby on the way home. She sat by the window on the ride from Atlanta to St. Louis. As we took off and moved through the clouds, she said "Mommy, I think we're in heaven. I think we're with God."

Here are some of my favorite pics from the week.

Eight to Go

Having trouble sleeping tonight so I thought I'd update everyone.

Other than the overall body soreness, which isn't fun, but can somewhat be controlled, I've had some weird, but "normal" side effects to the Taxol. The first round there was some tingling in my toes. It almost felt like I had been walking all day in tennis shoes that were slightly small. Wasn't awful and hasn't happened again.

Second round my fingertips started peeling. No pain involved, but a strange feeling. Will be interesting to see if it happens this time.

And then there are the hot flashes. I get several on and off throughout the day, but the nights seem to be the worst. To the point where they wake me up. And sometimes Scott when I throw the covers on and off--sorry honey! I'll be happy to see these go, but there's not guarantee they're going to end when the treatment does.

I have my next treatment on Thursday and then get to skip a week for a long-awaited and long-needed vacation. It's my parent's 40th wedding anniversary and in lieu of a party, they wanted us all to go somewhere as a family.

Becky and I did some research and we're off to the Destin area for some sun and relaxation. We rented a house right on the beach! The only thing missing will be our three new family members. Becky and Eric are in Russia as I type meeting their children for the first time. You can catch up on their travels on Becky's blog.

My hope is that some rest and relaxation will enable me to come back more focused and in control. I have a lot going on with the kids, Becky and Eric, and work and have been lacking focus. A change of scenery may be just what I need...I hope!

Three Down

I've had three rounds of Taxol thus far and I've got to tell you, it's much much better than the AC! I've had some tingling in my toes and fingers and soreness in every part of my body.

When I explained the soreness to my neighbor yesterday, she said it sounded like being in labor (with a lot of back labor). That would pretty much sum it up. Several Tylenol and the occassional pain pill make it go away.

I still get tired easily, but I've been trying to add some exercise back in. I'll let you know how it goes.

Taxol

Yesterday, I had my first Taxol session. I was nervous going in since my last AC was so bad and I wasn't sure how this would affect me. It was also the first time real time they were going to use my port. The last time the surgeon left the needle in and I went straight to chemo. To my surprise, using the port was painless and much easier than being stuck with a needle three or four times to find a good vein.

With the AC treatments, I was given a drip of anti-nausea medication and a steroid called decadron prior to receiving chemo. I also took another anti-nausea med called Emend.

With Taxol, I get to skip the anti-nausea meds as nausea is not a major side effect, but Taxol, does comes with its own set of side effects. One of which is allergic reactions. To deal with this, they include Benadryl in my before-chemo meds.

Using Benadryl for the occassional allergies has knocked me out in the past and this was no different although it took effect much quicker. I ended up sleeping through about an hour of the 2 1/2 hours of treatment.

Mom and I were starving after treatment so we ran by Bread Company. While eating a piece of bread, a portion of my back tooth broke off. It was one I knew was broke and Dr. Wilmes and I had talked about fixing it. Then breast cancer sidetracked me. But yesterday I had no choice and the office got me right in. Thank you, Dr. Wilmes!

I worked the rest of the day from my couch where I could lean back. I was surprised how fairly normal I felt. No nausea, but an increase in hot flashes as pre-menopause is a common side effect.

This morning I feel pretty good so I'm hoping that my side effects stay to a minimum this time! Stay tuned.

Emotional

This last treatment has left me almost feeling like quiting the race. Side effects have seemed to get worse everytime and physically and emotionally, I am beat.

I feel like I go to work, then come home to bed. There hasn't been much interaction with the girls and it showed--I just didn't have the energy. The younger two were fighting more than usual and were extra obstinate. Alexis left to stay with my parents.

Although they know I am sick, it's been hard for them to see me like this. I've felt like a failure as a mother and it sucks. Everyone is on edge and I know it's because of me. It's one of the few times where I question the fairness of it all. What did I do that was so bad to deserve this?

As I begin to feel better, these feelings begin to fall away too--thank God! The girls are better and we're looking forward to a nice long weekend with family and friends.

My hope is that the next 12 rounds are easier (as the doc and nurses claim they are) and that my life can get back to some sense of normalcy.

Thanks to my loving husband who continually tells me how beautiful I am and for carrying more than his fair share of the load, to my parents and in-laws who step in to give the girls a break, and to my friends for being there to check in on me.

Let's get these 12 out of the way and move on!

Port and Last AC!

The day started off very early. We had to be at St. Luke's for the port surgery at 6 a.m. It took the nurses three tries to get an IV in. After originally not looking forward to the port, I changed my mind very quickly. I am so tired of being a pin cushion!

Dr. Paul Yadzi did the surgery--nice guy and did a good job. I felt pretty good afterwards. Some anesthesia is so good!

After breakfast (since I hadn't eaten since the day before), mom and I went to breakfast and then to chemo for my last AC! It was so much faster and easier with the port. I wish I would have done it sooner!

So far, the AC has not taken my eyebrows or eyelashes and at this point, it's most likely that they won't. And the hair that I lost should start growing back now!

My oldest daughter, Alexis, was very worried that the surgery and this last round of chemo would inhibit me from attending her play last night. Of course, I wouldn't have missed it no matter how bad I felt. But I made it and she did an awesome job. She makes a great Veruca Salt (from Willy Wonka)! I'm so proud of you, Alexis!

The Race

Last Saturday was a perfect day for a walk. I knew there would be a ton of people, but I wasn't prepared for the hugeness of it all. Here are some of my favorite pics. Love and thanks again to everyone who donated and walked in celebration of me!

My Family is so Cool!

Had a great weekend with the Schoene Family at Ozark Outdoors. If you're looking for a place to hold a reunion, check this place out! It was great to catch up and was overwhelmed when they donated over $500 to Susan G. Komen in my name. What a great family!

I thought I took it easy over the weekend, but ended up coming home from work early today. I just can't shake this blah feeling. It's really difficult for me. I'm not a sick person normally and don't have the time or patience to be sick--I've got three kids, a home to take care of, and a full-time job! This just won't be over soon enough!

Three Down, 13 to Go

Chemo number three was yesterday and I seem to be getting used to it. With the last chemo we did a few things differently and I felt much better. For example, we did the A drug first and added a half liter of saline at the end. When I get home I work from the couch and then when Scott gets home I go to bed. I've also been seeing a chiropractor and a physical therapist.

Did the same thing for this chemo and it's worked again. I don't feel 100%, but may 75%. I'll take that!

I went to San Diego for the AAM Conference last week. It was beautiful there! Jen, my colleague and I went to Sea World for an afternoon and I attended several great sessions at the conference. I wore my wig for each session until Thursday afternoon. On Friday I had enough of it and just wore a hat. I felt more comfortable that way. By the end of the day, the wig makes me feel like I've been wearing a tight headband all day. So needless to say, I won't be wearing it much. I feel comfortable enough without it.

We're off later this afternoon to a family reunion at Ozark Outdoors. It will be great to catch up with everyone!

Bald for a Day

It's been one full day with no hair and I've got to tell you--it's not bad. Much easier to get ready!

We picked up my wig yesterday. Scott wanted me to try the red one more time. Here's my Velma from Scooby Doo look.

I had two blonde wigs on hold. Here's the first.

And here's the one I got. Slightly more blonde and a little longer.

My parents took Abby and Bella for the evening so Alexis was an only child for the evening. We went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. I wore the wig and it was OK. A little hot, but not too bad.

Not a "Hair" in the World

Well, it's done. My head is shaved and I'm OK. Actually, I don't look half bad if I do say so myself. I'm shocked at how dark the hair I have left is. Thank you to Donna for keeping my hair colored so well - don't lose your notes!

My hair was already coming out. Not in clumps yet, but in handfuls of strands. After showering this morning it looked like I had a small kitten in the trash can. Once it dried, it was getting everywhere. Even in my oatmeal. I decided that was the final straw. Alexis had to show me how to tie the bandana on my head to keep it somewhat confined for most of the day.

The shaving party began after Scott got home at 5 and Becky and my parents came over. We met the neighbors outside and went to work.

This is me right before. By this time I desperately needed my hair cut and color, but what was the point? And think of the money I'll be saving on cuts, colors, and even shampoo! Getting ready in the morning will be a breeze!

Each of the girls and some of the neighbor kids got in on the act. Alexis had a great time cutting my hair and helped everyone else take a turn. They gave me a mohawk first and we had a good laugh before Scott shaved everything off.


Here's a shot of the family right after.






When we first found out I had to have chemo, Scott said he would shave his head too. I told him, "absolutely not!" So instead, he shaved his mustache. This is only the second time since we met that he's shaved it. What do you think? I talked him into growing it right back. Just looks too different for me.





The final shots are close-ups of Scott and I - what a pair! And we even went out to dinner just like this!




We're picking up my wig tomorrow. I'll have more pics then!

Chemo #2

The second chemo is over and today I feel pretty good.

It took the nurses quite a long time to find a vein that would work. They ended up sticking me three times before they finally got it to work. The bad news is that now I have to get a port--another surgery. I know it will be better in the long run. But it really sucked to hear it yesterday.

This time Charlene (my wonderful nurse) started with the A drug. Its the red one administered by syringe through my IV. After that was the C drug. It was a slow process and I'm glad I've got two under my belt.

When I got home I did some work at the table and then moved with my computer to the couch where I sat until Scott got home. I took some anti-nausa medicine as soon as I started to feel a little bad. After that I went to bed for a bit. When Scott got me up for dinner, I was feeling OK and then much better after eating. I took a sleeping/anti-nausa pill and slept really well.

On another note, my hair is falling out pretty rapidly. Not in clumps (at least not yet), but in many strands. It was hard to eat breakfast without getting hair in my food and that's just gross. So tonight I plan to say goodbye to my hair. Don't worry, we'll take pictures!

Hair Today, Gone...

It started last night. After my shower I combed out the knots in my hair. I noticed a huge amount of hair in the comb.

This morning as I ran my fingers through my hair I ended up with another mass of hair in my hands. I put my hair up in a clip hoping to contain it for the day. It seemed to work.

Evidently this is how it begins.

Tomorrow at 10 a.m. is chemo #2.

I'll keep you updated.

The Itch

You know the feeling you get when you really need to wash your hair? The itch. That only gets better with a good scrub to the head.

Well, I have it. And I shower everyday!

It's starting. And I'm dreading it. Know everyone will know. There's no way to hide it.

I'm struggling again with this issue. I know I'll get used to it, just as I've gotten used to seeing myself without one breast. I know it will be OK. Eventually. But right now it's hard. I only have about a week left of hair. I don't want to do this anymore. And I know I don't have a choice and that sucks.

Or Maybe Not...

Well, I thought I was feeling better. Now it's the combination of indigestion and sinus headaches that are causing the problem. I feel really blah and can't shake it. It's starting to get on my nerves!

They Were Right

Well, the nurses were right. It took about three days for me to finally feel better. Today was a good day.

I found a swimming suit, bought some cute hats, and enjoyed the evening outside with my neighbors.

So good to feel like myself again!

Last Visit to Surgeon and First Chemo

This blog has turned out to be very therapeutic for me…I love the thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement--they strengthen my resolve!

Wednesday was my last visit to Dr. Radford (surgeon). She took some of the tape off and checked my incisions. They all look good (or at least as good as they can for what they are). My range of motion in my left arm is much better that it was last week, but definitely not what it was before surgery. I'm going to see a physical therapist next Wednesday to get a little help. Working out as often as I do makes me wonder about those people who don't and what their range of motion is like.

Next we visited with Dr. Coplin (medical oncologist). Good news is that my bone scan and CT scan were clean. I do have a cyst on my left ovary, but because my genetic test was also negative, they aren't very concerned. Now I just need to see my OBGYN. I am really going to be sick of doctors!

Then it was time for my first chemo. Because they can only take blood from my right arm now, it took a while to find a good vein. Unfortunately, the left was my better arm for needles! We started with a bag of saline, then added a small bag of nausea medicine and steroids. The 'C' (Cyclophosphamide) part of the AC was first. It was also done through a drip and took about an hour to administer. 'A' (Adriamycin) was next. It was bright red and added to my IV very slowly via hypo. In the event your curiousity is killing you and you just have to know all about the various chemo drugs, you can find all of the information here.

I felt pretty good when we finally left. Scott took me to lunch and then home so I could do some work. I picked up some new computers for work and then took Bella to get her dance pictures taken. It was then that I started to feel bad. I didn't expect it to hit me that bad and that fast. By the time I got home, I felt very sick to my stomach.

I didn't throw up, but I felt like I could. By the morning, I was a little better--feeling more like I was in the early months of pregnancy. I kept up with my meds today and ate small frequent meals and that seemed to help. I still don't feel like myself, but much better than last night. Plus I am keep my meds with me at all times so I don't feel so bad again.

Today I had to go back and get a shot of Newlasta to up my white blood cells. Side effects could be bone pain, but so far, I feel OK.

I have three more cycles of 'AC' and then start the Taxol, which is not supposed to make me sick. But now I know what to expect and how to handle it the best I can. I know I can get through it.

Great News!

The BRCA genetic test results came back negative!!!

What a relief!!!

Happy Mother's Day!

No matter how old you are, you still need your mom.

I can't thank my mom enough for helping take care of me, Scott, and the girls since my surgery. She cooked, cleaned, and took the girls to school while Scott worked and I worked on getting my strength back.

She took me to shop for a wig and for a prosthetic and never flinched after seeing my scar. She says that I am strong, but it's only because of her faith that I can get through this.

Dad helped tremendously too with the girls and fixed several things that we've been meaning to get to in the house.

Scott's parents have also been a huge help. Sue stayed with us for a few days and they took the girls with them to Belle for a few days too. Abby has been having the hardest time with this so it was nice for her to have some time away.

I have so many people to thank so far and I know there will be many more...my best friend and sister, Becky who calls daily to check on me and lend support; my friends and neighbors Holly and Tonya who call after every doctor appointment and have set up dinners for the next two weeks; Collette who brought the first dinner that fed us for an entire week!; Pam who brought the next dinner; Natalie who sent her cleaning person over to clean my house; Linda who is the strongest person I know; and Kimmy who calls to let me vent--keep cookin that baby!; Michael for sending a surprise dinner; and Michelle and Jen for sending delicious cookies.

That's not counting everyone who has sent cards and flowers! Your love and support has helped so much! Thank you!

More Scans

Ex.haus.ted!

My dad and I were at St. Luke's Outpatient Center at 6 a.m. yesterday morning for my bone scan and CT scan.

For the bone scan, the radiologist gave me an IV (on the second try!) and inserted radioactive dye into my system. The dye was very cold going in so for the next two hours while it circulated, I froze! The scan itself was about 25 minutes long. It wasn't a tube like the MRI and it was very quiet, unlike the MRI. I had to lie perfectly still on my back while they slowly backed me under a large square that scanned from the top of my head to my toes. When that was complete, they took an additional picture of my head and my ribs.

Before the CT scan, I had to drink three glasses of this citrusy milkly substance--not good. It was supposed to fill up my bladder and colon so they could see more. This scan only took about five minutes. They took two pictures from my neck to my pelvic bone and then I was given more dye for contrast and they took a few more. This dye was also cold and because the IV had been in for several hours by then, was extremely uncomfortable.

We ate lunch when we got home and Bella and I took a nap. I slept for over three hours and was still tired when I finally got up.

Results should be back by Tuesday.

This and That

The past two days have been quite busy!

BTW, I can know shower and wash my hair myself--and I'm actually OK.

After seeing Dr. Coplin on Tuesday, we went into the meeting with Dr. Beat quite confident that I wouldn't need radiation. Imagine our surprise when he recommended that I have radiation.

Our immediate thinking is that it's overkill. They've taken all of my left breast tissue and I'll do chemo for five months which should kill anything left so I'm not sure what they are trying to radiate. It's not a decision we need to make today or even by next week. After talking to Dr. Coplin again today, she says we can talk more about it and even get a second opinion, but she values Dr. Beat's opinion and thinks I should do it. We'll see. I'd love your opinion.

My mom and I picked up Alexis after school and met my sister at the wig shop. It was great fun trying on the wigs--and yes, I forgot my camera. If I can figure out how to get the pics off of my camera phone, I'll post them. I now know why I don't have dark hair. After trying on a red wig Alexis told me I looked like Velma from Scooby-Doo.

I found two that we all liked. They are holding them for me until I lose my hair. I'll pick one from there and they'll fit it for me. Insurance pays for the wig too (Anthem Blue Cross rocks!). If anyone you know is looking for a wig in the St. Charles area, send them to A+ Wigs (sorry they don't have a website).

This morning my mom and I went to Ann's Bra Shop. After surgery, the hospital gave me this big puff to put in my bra. It ended up making the left bigger than my real one on the right and it wouldn't stay put. I now have a real prosthetic that feels and looks much better! And again, insurance paid for that and two bras. Plus I'll get two new bras paid for every year forever!

I also visited the dentist today as I read you aren't supposed to get your teeth cleaned while doing chemo. Thanks to Dr. Wilmes for fitting me in at the last minute!

I'm sticking my toes back into work too. Michelle gave me a small project and I spent time today updating my other blog, Accountants Round Up. It feels good to have something productive to do.

Drain Free!

My first visit today was with Dr. Coplin, one of the oncologists at the St. Louis Breast Cancer Institute. I'll be starting chemo on May 14 with four cycles of a chemo treatment called AC. AC is made up of two chemo drugs--Adriamycin and cyclophosphamide. They prevent any possible remaining cancer cells from dividing and growing and can eventually cause the cancer cells to shrink and die.

The four cycles will run every other week for 2-2 1/2 hours each. On day 16 after I start chemo, I will lose my hair. And as much as I was dreading this part, I'm really OK with it now. At least I think I am. We'll probably go look at wigs this week.

Once the AC is over, I'll start weekly treatments of Paclitaxel. The whole course of treatment will take approximately five months.

After Dr. Coplin, we met with Dr. Radford. She checked my incisions and took out my drains. Such a relief not having those bags stuck on me.

I came home, put on a regular bra and added my fake pad to the left. Funny, now the left side looks better than the right!

Tomorrow, we meet with Dr. Beat the radiation oncologist. Dr. Coplin doesn't believe that I need radiation, but Dr. Radford does. We'll see tomorrow what Dr. Beat says.

Friday I'm doing a CAT scan and bone scan to make triple sure there's not any cancer elsewhere.

The Shower

During the day, I can busy myself and pretend, even through the discomfort, that I'm OK. It's the dreaded shower that slams me back into reality.

The nurses warned that I needed to have someone there when I showered for the first time after the surgery. And they weren't kidding. It was the closest I have ever come to fainting.

Nervous even before I got undressed, I was shaking by the time Scott, my wonderful husband, helped me off with this huge thing they call a bra. The combination of seeing the drain tubes beneath my skin and the huge surgical scar where they used to be a breast was devastating. Scott sat with me while I shook, sweat, and tried not to faint. I think I cried through most of the shower while Scott washed my body and hair.

The subsequent showers have been slightly better. I still cry, but I keep my eyes far away from the mirror and I don't look down.

Always the strong one, Scott reminds me that this is only the first stage and that after all of this is over, I'll have brand new breasts. It seems like a long way away.

St. Louis Race

My sister, Becky, formed a team for the St. Louis Race for the Cure which is June 21, 2008. To join my team, click here. Go to "Race for the Cure," then "Join an Existing Team," then search our team name "Sassy Pants."

Thanks in advance and hope to see many of you there!

Good News!

Finally, after a month of bad news, we get some good! I spoke to Dr. Radford last night and she had the pathology results. The cancer was 1.7 cm (about the size of a marble). Of 12 lymph nodes she removed, only one was cancerous. And all of my margins are clear!

I'm still looking at radiation and chemo and will find out more after I meet with the oncologist on Tuesday. She said I would also be getting my drains out on Tuesday and I am so ready for that!

I can't tell you the relief we all feel. It's like winning the lottery!