Not a "Hair" in the World

Well, it's done. My head is shaved and I'm OK. Actually, I don't look half bad if I do say so myself. I'm shocked at how dark the hair I have left is. Thank you to Donna for keeping my hair colored so well - don't lose your notes!

My hair was already coming out. Not in clumps yet, but in handfuls of strands. After showering this morning it looked like I had a small kitten in the trash can. Once it dried, it was getting everywhere. Even in my oatmeal. I decided that was the final straw. Alexis had to show me how to tie the bandana on my head to keep it somewhat confined for most of the day.

The shaving party began after Scott got home at 5 and Becky and my parents came over. We met the neighbors outside and went to work.

This is me right before. By this time I desperately needed my hair cut and color, but what was the point? And think of the money I'll be saving on cuts, colors, and even shampoo! Getting ready in the morning will be a breeze!

Each of the girls and some of the neighbor kids got in on the act. Alexis had a great time cutting my hair and helped everyone else take a turn. They gave me a mohawk first and we had a good laugh before Scott shaved everything off.


Here's a shot of the family right after.






When we first found out I had to have chemo, Scott said he would shave his head too. I told him, "absolutely not!" So instead, he shaved his mustache. This is only the second time since we met that he's shaved it. What do you think? I talked him into growing it right back. Just looks too different for me.





The final shots are close-ups of Scott and I - what a pair! And we even went out to dinner just like this!




We're picking up my wig tomorrow. I'll have more pics then!

Chemo #2

The second chemo is over and today I feel pretty good.

It took the nurses quite a long time to find a vein that would work. They ended up sticking me three times before they finally got it to work. The bad news is that now I have to get a port--another surgery. I know it will be better in the long run. But it really sucked to hear it yesterday.

This time Charlene (my wonderful nurse) started with the A drug. Its the red one administered by syringe through my IV. After that was the C drug. It was a slow process and I'm glad I've got two under my belt.

When I got home I did some work at the table and then moved with my computer to the couch where I sat until Scott got home. I took some anti-nausa medicine as soon as I started to feel a little bad. After that I went to bed for a bit. When Scott got me up for dinner, I was feeling OK and then much better after eating. I took a sleeping/anti-nausa pill and slept really well.

On another note, my hair is falling out pretty rapidly. Not in clumps (at least not yet), but in many strands. It was hard to eat breakfast without getting hair in my food and that's just gross. So tonight I plan to say goodbye to my hair. Don't worry, we'll take pictures!

Hair Today, Gone...

It started last night. After my shower I combed out the knots in my hair. I noticed a huge amount of hair in the comb.

This morning as I ran my fingers through my hair I ended up with another mass of hair in my hands. I put my hair up in a clip hoping to contain it for the day. It seemed to work.

Evidently this is how it begins.

Tomorrow at 10 a.m. is chemo #2.

I'll keep you updated.

The Itch

You know the feeling you get when you really need to wash your hair? The itch. That only gets better with a good scrub to the head.

Well, I have it. And I shower everyday!

It's starting. And I'm dreading it. Know everyone will know. There's no way to hide it.

I'm struggling again with this issue. I know I'll get used to it, just as I've gotten used to seeing myself without one breast. I know it will be OK. Eventually. But right now it's hard. I only have about a week left of hair. I don't want to do this anymore. And I know I don't have a choice and that sucks.

Or Maybe Not...

Well, I thought I was feeling better. Now it's the combination of indigestion and sinus headaches that are causing the problem. I feel really blah and can't shake it. It's starting to get on my nerves!

They Were Right

Well, the nurses were right. It took about three days for me to finally feel better. Today was a good day.

I found a swimming suit, bought some cute hats, and enjoyed the evening outside with my neighbors.

So good to feel like myself again!

Last Visit to Surgeon and First Chemo

This blog has turned out to be very therapeutic for me…I love the thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement--they strengthen my resolve!

Wednesday was my last visit to Dr. Radford (surgeon). She took some of the tape off and checked my incisions. They all look good (or at least as good as they can for what they are). My range of motion in my left arm is much better that it was last week, but definitely not what it was before surgery. I'm going to see a physical therapist next Wednesday to get a little help. Working out as often as I do makes me wonder about those people who don't and what their range of motion is like.

Next we visited with Dr. Coplin (medical oncologist). Good news is that my bone scan and CT scan were clean. I do have a cyst on my left ovary, but because my genetic test was also negative, they aren't very concerned. Now I just need to see my OBGYN. I am really going to be sick of doctors!

Then it was time for my first chemo. Because they can only take blood from my right arm now, it took a while to find a good vein. Unfortunately, the left was my better arm for needles! We started with a bag of saline, then added a small bag of nausea medicine and steroids. The 'C' (Cyclophosphamide) part of the AC was first. It was also done through a drip and took about an hour to administer. 'A' (Adriamycin) was next. It was bright red and added to my IV very slowly via hypo. In the event your curiousity is killing you and you just have to know all about the various chemo drugs, you can find all of the information here.

I felt pretty good when we finally left. Scott took me to lunch and then home so I could do some work. I picked up some new computers for work and then took Bella to get her dance pictures taken. It was then that I started to feel bad. I didn't expect it to hit me that bad and that fast. By the time I got home, I felt very sick to my stomach.

I didn't throw up, but I felt like I could. By the morning, I was a little better--feeling more like I was in the early months of pregnancy. I kept up with my meds today and ate small frequent meals and that seemed to help. I still don't feel like myself, but much better than last night. Plus I am keep my meds with me at all times so I don't feel so bad again.

Today I had to go back and get a shot of Newlasta to up my white blood cells. Side effects could be bone pain, but so far, I feel OK.

I have three more cycles of 'AC' and then start the Taxol, which is not supposed to make me sick. But now I know what to expect and how to handle it the best I can. I know I can get through it.

Great News!

The BRCA genetic test results came back negative!!!

What a relief!!!

Happy Mother's Day!

No matter how old you are, you still need your mom.

I can't thank my mom enough for helping take care of me, Scott, and the girls since my surgery. She cooked, cleaned, and took the girls to school while Scott worked and I worked on getting my strength back.

She took me to shop for a wig and for a prosthetic and never flinched after seeing my scar. She says that I am strong, but it's only because of her faith that I can get through this.

Dad helped tremendously too with the girls and fixed several things that we've been meaning to get to in the house.

Scott's parents have also been a huge help. Sue stayed with us for a few days and they took the girls with them to Belle for a few days too. Abby has been having the hardest time with this so it was nice for her to have some time away.

I have so many people to thank so far and I know there will be many more...my best friend and sister, Becky who calls daily to check on me and lend support; my friends and neighbors Holly and Tonya who call after every doctor appointment and have set up dinners for the next two weeks; Collette who brought the first dinner that fed us for an entire week!; Pam who brought the next dinner; Natalie who sent her cleaning person over to clean my house; Linda who is the strongest person I know; and Kimmy who calls to let me vent--keep cookin that baby!; Michael for sending a surprise dinner; and Michelle and Jen for sending delicious cookies.

That's not counting everyone who has sent cards and flowers! Your love and support has helped so much! Thank you!

More Scans

Ex.haus.ted!

My dad and I were at St. Luke's Outpatient Center at 6 a.m. yesterday morning for my bone scan and CT scan.

For the bone scan, the radiologist gave me an IV (on the second try!) and inserted radioactive dye into my system. The dye was very cold going in so for the next two hours while it circulated, I froze! The scan itself was about 25 minutes long. It wasn't a tube like the MRI and it was very quiet, unlike the MRI. I had to lie perfectly still on my back while they slowly backed me under a large square that scanned from the top of my head to my toes. When that was complete, they took an additional picture of my head and my ribs.

Before the CT scan, I had to drink three glasses of this citrusy milkly substance--not good. It was supposed to fill up my bladder and colon so they could see more. This scan only took about five minutes. They took two pictures from my neck to my pelvic bone and then I was given more dye for contrast and they took a few more. This dye was also cold and because the IV had been in for several hours by then, was extremely uncomfortable.

We ate lunch when we got home and Bella and I took a nap. I slept for over three hours and was still tired when I finally got up.

Results should be back by Tuesday.

This and That

The past two days have been quite busy!

BTW, I can know shower and wash my hair myself--and I'm actually OK.

After seeing Dr. Coplin on Tuesday, we went into the meeting with Dr. Beat quite confident that I wouldn't need radiation. Imagine our surprise when he recommended that I have radiation.

Our immediate thinking is that it's overkill. They've taken all of my left breast tissue and I'll do chemo for five months which should kill anything left so I'm not sure what they are trying to radiate. It's not a decision we need to make today or even by next week. After talking to Dr. Coplin again today, she says we can talk more about it and even get a second opinion, but she values Dr. Beat's opinion and thinks I should do it. We'll see. I'd love your opinion.

My mom and I picked up Alexis after school and met my sister at the wig shop. It was great fun trying on the wigs--and yes, I forgot my camera. If I can figure out how to get the pics off of my camera phone, I'll post them. I now know why I don't have dark hair. After trying on a red wig Alexis told me I looked like Velma from Scooby-Doo.

I found two that we all liked. They are holding them for me until I lose my hair. I'll pick one from there and they'll fit it for me. Insurance pays for the wig too (Anthem Blue Cross rocks!). If anyone you know is looking for a wig in the St. Charles area, send them to A+ Wigs (sorry they don't have a website).

This morning my mom and I went to Ann's Bra Shop. After surgery, the hospital gave me this big puff to put in my bra. It ended up making the left bigger than my real one on the right and it wouldn't stay put. I now have a real prosthetic that feels and looks much better! And again, insurance paid for that and two bras. Plus I'll get two new bras paid for every year forever!

I also visited the dentist today as I read you aren't supposed to get your teeth cleaned while doing chemo. Thanks to Dr. Wilmes for fitting me in at the last minute!

I'm sticking my toes back into work too. Michelle gave me a small project and I spent time today updating my other blog, Accountants Round Up. It feels good to have something productive to do.

Drain Free!

My first visit today was with Dr. Coplin, one of the oncologists at the St. Louis Breast Cancer Institute. I'll be starting chemo on May 14 with four cycles of a chemo treatment called AC. AC is made up of two chemo drugs--Adriamycin and cyclophosphamide. They prevent any possible remaining cancer cells from dividing and growing and can eventually cause the cancer cells to shrink and die.

The four cycles will run every other week for 2-2 1/2 hours each. On day 16 after I start chemo, I will lose my hair. And as much as I was dreading this part, I'm really OK with it now. At least I think I am. We'll probably go look at wigs this week.

Once the AC is over, I'll start weekly treatments of Paclitaxel. The whole course of treatment will take approximately five months.

After Dr. Coplin, we met with Dr. Radford. She checked my incisions and took out my drains. Such a relief not having those bags stuck on me.

I came home, put on a regular bra and added my fake pad to the left. Funny, now the left side looks better than the right!

Tomorrow, we meet with Dr. Beat the radiation oncologist. Dr. Coplin doesn't believe that I need radiation, but Dr. Radford does. We'll see tomorrow what Dr. Beat says.

Friday I'm doing a CAT scan and bone scan to make triple sure there's not any cancer elsewhere.

The Shower

During the day, I can busy myself and pretend, even through the discomfort, that I'm OK. It's the dreaded shower that slams me back into reality.

The nurses warned that I needed to have someone there when I showered for the first time after the surgery. And they weren't kidding. It was the closest I have ever come to fainting.

Nervous even before I got undressed, I was shaking by the time Scott, my wonderful husband, helped me off with this huge thing they call a bra. The combination of seeing the drain tubes beneath my skin and the huge surgical scar where they used to be a breast was devastating. Scott sat with me while I shook, sweat, and tried not to faint. I think I cried through most of the shower while Scott washed my body and hair.

The subsequent showers have been slightly better. I still cry, but I keep my eyes far away from the mirror and I don't look down.

Always the strong one, Scott reminds me that this is only the first stage and that after all of this is over, I'll have brand new breasts. It seems like a long way away.

St. Louis Race

My sister, Becky, formed a team for the St. Louis Race for the Cure which is June 21, 2008. To join my team, click here. Go to "Race for the Cure," then "Join an Existing Team," then search our team name "Sassy Pants."

Thanks in advance and hope to see many of you there!

Good News!

Finally, after a month of bad news, we get some good! I spoke to Dr. Radford last night and she had the pathology results. The cancer was 1.7 cm (about the size of a marble). Of 12 lymph nodes she removed, only one was cancerous. And all of my margins are clear!

I'm still looking at radiation and chemo and will find out more after I meet with the oncologist on Tuesday. She said I would also be getting my drains out on Tuesday and I am so ready for that!

I can't tell you the relief we all feel. It's like winning the lottery!